When Flowers Bloom

When I was young, we use to have a plant at home, that would have one blooming flower per year. Just a miserly one for 365 days of life. After 365 days of water and fertilisers. When my mum first told me that, I naturally didn't believe her. I mean, she also told me about immortal blind snakes that vomit a pearl every 100 years on a moonless night and uses the light from the pearl to find prey and other equally almost unbelievable 'facts'.

...and so I waited (very) patiently...month after month...making sure I added extra fertilisers and water after my mother's gardening sessions, just not to take chances...

...lo and behold! When I was almost giving up and adding this to my mother's list of 'facts', somewhere in November, I saw the signs of a flower! A bud...unfurling little by little...doing a striptease of what might be inside...I kept a faithful vigil on the first night and the next. The third night was Boy Meets World night. I had waited 300+ days...I could miss ONE episode of a sitcom. Right? 2 seconds into the theme song, I was plopped on the sofa, giggling at Cory's antics. I'd walk out during the intervals, just to make sure I didn't miss anything. 

Then there it was! Half hour later...the flower! Aargh! It didn't bloom when I kept watch, it didn't bloom during the intervals, it didn't even bloom during all the nights I was asleep...and it had to bloom right then when I took a break to watch my favourite show! Just in that 10 miserable minutes between the last interval and the end of the show...HOW COULD I HAVE MISSED IT?!!

I kicked up a fuss that night at my mum for not calling me out when the flower was blooming. But she just said "How would I know that the flower would bloom?! You CHOSE to watch TV anyway" (well she said many other things that I choose not to disclose).

I wish I could say that I learnt my lesson and I watched the next flower from that plant bloom but I didn't. We moved to KL a few months later and the plant was left behind. I never saw it again.

Over the years, I've come to realise that life is very much like that. You have only one chance at it.

One chance to catch your father's hand the first time he falters...

One chance to be there for your mother the first (and only) time you see her breakdown for real...

One chance to tell your brother and sister that you love them more than anything...

One chance to watch your niece fall asleep in your arms WHILE singing 'Pumped Up Kicks'...

One chance to catch your day-old nephew smile even before his eyes open...

And one chance to have your husband kiss your forehead when he thinks your asleep...

Coz if you miss that one chance, flowers bloom, children grow up, people die...

...but most of the time, you just wake up and the moment is gone. You can't even miss it coz you didn't even realise it was there in the first place and you will never know what you're missing...

If I had to do it again, I would CHOOSE to sit with my mother and watch that dang-ed flower bloom.

(Or buy Morning Glorys instead, at least I only have to wait till the next morning if I miss it).

This one or that? Choices, choices...

When we shop for shoes, we try on a few (or more), comparing cuts, sizes, patterns, colours...before finally choosing the ONE that deserves to join the rest of our collection in our shoe closet. Sometimes, after many trials, we walk away with nothing, saying "if only it was a darker shade of blue..." Or sometimes we end up buying something only to regret later and say "I should have gotten the other one, DANG!"

Be it shoes or clothes or brands of mayo on the supermarket aisle, we compare, we weigh the options and we CHOOSE. We don't pick things coz it's there, we don't even say "well so what if I can't get the right shade", or "never mind if if its slightly broken, I'll just get it, I don't have a choice" Nope! No can do. We make our choices and we make it right. Really thinking things through so we don't make a mistake.

But when it comes to life, it's whole different set of rules we play by, right? We don't give choices we make in life as much thought as we do when we buy a shoe or a dress...

For instance, how many times would we have made promises to meet a friend or family and not keep it coz "I have an urgent ad-hoc meeting" or make someone wait for us coz we "just have this last line of email to finish"?

...and how many times would we have justified it by saying,"I don't have a choice, it needs to be done" or "He's my best friend, he'll understand" or even "Not that I don't want to, I was asked to stay..."

It just makes it easier to shrug off all responsibility, to not admit accountability to the choices that we make...because at the end of the day, that's what it is, life is a culmination of all the choices we make. 

Every time we stop to gawk at a dress on display while someone waits for us, we are choosing to do it. At that time, we deem the dress more important than the person waiting. Every time we choose to work at home although we know our parents or siblings or kids would love our company, we choose our work over them. Every time we choose something, we do it at the expense of something else.

Some choices can be difficult to make. Like, career growth versus relationships, 'me' time versus time spent with friends...How do we choose?

Well, nobody said it was easy...Life can be a B*#%H at times...but that is the way it works...to me, the question I constantly ask myself is "Is it worth it?" coz when I make a wrong choice in life, I can't go back to the store to exchange or get a refund...I can't say "DANG! I bought the wrong color, I'll just get another one next season"

In life, when I make a choice, I better be ready to live with it...so, when I make a choice, it better be worth what I'm sacrificing. Because life does not come with an UNDO button.