Monday, November 2, 2009
I have come to realise several things about concerts..which I would hereby try and explain...
Firstly, the crowd was...indescribably..indescribable. It was like walking into a whole new universe...I have never seen so many different kinds of people in the same place at the same time..there were witches (hope it was just skin deep and not any deeper..), wizards (again..make-up n dress only i hope..), strippers ( less material more skin, all the rage..I couldnt understand the motivation though, were they there to SEE or to be SEEN?? Why do you pull up your tshirts? If you really dared, why not wear it that way from home??), kids (she must have been 9 at the most, and she already gets to go for a concert!! and i have to wait till i am 23..syeesh!) , parents (who probably didnt trust their kids..but seeing their kids, they had a good reason not to..), freaks, geeks and fashionistas..there was something for everyone!
The show started 'on-time', exactly 1 hour later than scheduled (so very Malaysian..) with local bands Disagree, Pop Shuvit and One Buck Short. The local acts were pretty good, actually they were quite awesome (contrary to popular belief..) Disagree even had a brass/school band thing and even malay traditional music for their songs..During intervals between one band and another, freebies were given away by natalie and ean of Hitz.fm. They threw it to the crowd, in front of me (natalie's lack of upper arm strength..ugh) or behind me (ean's excess upper arm strength..) but never reaching me (sad!)..After the local acts were done and the crowd was fired up for All American Rejects, we had to (unfortunately) wait for them to set up (and we waited and we waited and we waited and we..well you get the idea..). But it was worth the wait though..Tyson Ritter( lead singer of AAR is quite a piece of work! (Really..) he was somewhere between weird and...weirder! For those who didnt like AAR music, at least they had something to watch..
Actually, I think i would have really enjoyed the show if some things didnt happen though..One of them being this over-excited, over-energetic, over-...just over-everything boy who just kept jumping (not the problem..) and landing on my foot (obviously a problem..) for about 4 times resulting in a swollen toe the next day and scrapped, split skin..I mean hey, i get the enthusiasm and all but practice landing on the GROUND before you take up flying will you..geez!! But i guess, I loved that guy more compared to another one..a very interesting character..since he reminded me of someone I know..
Now this guy came with his girlfriend (no comments on her looks..) and I bet just about a thousand other people would have done the same but then, this guy must not have realised that since he practically acted like a 'human barricade' to keep other people (and i mean boys AND girls..) from touching her. This i found to be quite disconcerting since there was barely room to BREATHE! and here he was trying to 'make' space so his girlfriend will not come into contact with anyone's skin other than his...Syeesh! if you're that insecure, just get tape the show and watch it at home or better still just get the CD!! Why come to concerts (practically free ones at that) knowing that the place is going to be teeming with people and torture others and yourself as well??? He was the most selfish, weird guy that i have met and would hope never to meet again.Period.
There was also another character, more like a story i think..it neither made my day nor made it worse..its actually irrelevant to my feelings about the concert but worth the mention I think..there was this boy there who's girlfriend must have come later and couldnt find her way to him (not surprising since he asked her to look for a red balloon and there was only about a gazillion red balloons there..boys and directions!), so when he actually found her he kept banging her about it until she sulked..For a while I thought, "geez, such a pity that they were pretty miserable when everyone else was having so much fun..they would probably regret it later that they missed the show, if I was her, I would have ignored him, enjoyed the show first and deal with him later..." but i guess my thoughts were short-lived, a moment later she was all over him..maybe she thought, the fun was too much to miss or she decided that loud music and horrible crowds and red balloons wasn't enough to break her relationship or...well I dunno..and I couldnt find out anyway since she had to..'leave early' (not that I would have asked her even if she stayed..) hmm...
A lot of things changed for me that night, my views on the world and what have the younger generation come to this days..my ideas and feelings on certain things..and well lot of other mentionable and unmentionable things..But one thing for sure, I truly enjoyed my first ever concert ( and hopefully not the last one although currently i am not raring to go for another one any time soon..just too traumatic!)..
Now I just need one more thing to make my social life complete..go clubbing! (when will that day come, I wonder...)
P/S: I really do thank the person who took me for this concert..you have made a difference in my life in more ways than one)... :)
So long, Farewell, auf Wiedersehen, adieu..
Monday, October 26, 2009
The place looked deserted. There wasn’t a human being in sight! I couldn’t really be the only one here now, can I? I looked up and down the corridor, couldn’t see a soul that I could ask for help. It was technically my first day in university. It sounds so weird even when I say it.
“I am an undergraduate now…” wow.
I was excited and yet at the same time I dreaded this moment. Something deep down inside told me that I wasn’t supposed to be here. It wasn’t where I belonged. My heart was practically screaming ‘turn back, turn back! Before it’s too late…” I had a feeling that this place I am in is a house made of candy just like in ‘Hansel and Gretel’ and I was none other than Gretel, the smarter of the two but yet so attracted by the dazzling sight before her eyes that she walks straight into a trap of the evil witch and an evil witch I did meet, my genetics lecturer although, she looked all nice and friendly and nothing like a witch then. But that was a story for later. Minutes later, I was led into a room full of…people and I really mean a ROOM FULL. There were about 80 people there. The first person who met my eye was an Indian girl who was an epitome of all things…erm...Indian…she was even dressed in a Salwar Kameez. I wouldn’t even wear it to church, let alone class. I met some other people too but it was all a blur on the first day. Not a cute boy within a 100 mile radius. Later, I came to know that the number was actually 83 including me and these people were my classmates. People whom I were to share the same classroom with, listen to the same lectures with, people I would see in the corridor, basically I would live with them, every day of my life, for the next 4 or so years. I had only one class that day (which was a relief really!) so I could go back to my room and meet my room-mate. Technically I had already met her; I just haven’t spoken to her yet. When I came into the room yesterday, she was on the phone and by the time she got off, I was sleeping and on this morning she was gone even before I woke up.
I went to my room (half of it was mine, anyway…) and the first thing I was to miss about home was having lunch served on the table. My table was bare. Thank god for Maggi-Mi 2 minit (but it tasted better if it was only soaked for 1 and a half minute). I must have been a pitiful sight, sitting alone on an empty bed, eating instant noodles for lunch, looking at the bare wall because I had nothing to do (I didn’t even have a laptop back then…horror!), for when my room-mate came in, she smiled and said,
“Enough ah, eat Maggi only?” to which I just idiotically smiled since my mother thought me never to speak with my mouth full. A while later, after going through a million super-lame lines on how to introduce myself (Geez, who knew it was so difficult!), I did the Standard One textbook version of,
“hi, my name is Sharon. You are…” (and even shook hands!! Syeesh…)
She left for her classes soon after, thankfully, since it was pretty awkward to sit in a room with someone and just stare, and smile awkwardly and avert your gaze when you happen her eyes. That’s when I decided to text my old school friend (who dropped out of my favour after she booked me for having long nails! Kidding…Still love her and we are still friends, since she can’t book me anymore…hehehe…) and what do you know! She lived behind my house…finally I felt that the heavens had pity on me and decided to give me some saving grace…or in my case a friend (which meant much more than saving grace at that moment!) I spent the whole day with her and only went back to my room after I was sure my room-mate was sleeping and she was…
To be continued...
Sunday, August 16, 2009
tis week has been the funnest week ever (for the moment, ratings change evry few week depending on memory power)..i had a weekend with my cousins and bro n sis..it was even mo special coz my long lost cousin (he ws lost for abt 5 yrs) found us in facebook (of al places..) n came over 2 c us..
a bit about kelz..kelvin philip is 20 ( bt doesnt act like it wic is not surprising..sinc my sis n othr 20 yr-old cousin rarely act their age s well..they hv a mentality of a 5 yr-old)..he conditions, blow-dries and waxes his hair (n wen he 4gets he becomes a naruto look-alike)..n has t singaporean (he's from JB) habit of stealing water from Malaysians (us) sinc he nevr gets his own cup of water when he's eating..n he grew up wanting 2 b an astronaut bt ended up doing medicine in moscow (??!!) ..
SO anyway he came over this week n v spent our tym..eating n talking n eating n talking..n v never realised that v r al so old now..(like really old!!) my bro is married n i actually get along with him now (n i dont hide his LEGO pieces when he fights with me..m mature now), vijen's done studying (for now)..me n ravin are finishing nxt yr..vero is working n suren unfortunately has 2 mo yrs to go n kelz hs 5 yrs mo in moscow b4 he gets 2 rly wear a white coat..
Wow..time just runs so fast..it seemed lk yesterday that we were spending holidays in each other's houses playing card games like 'bluff' and 'SAKAI'..n ravin running around naked around the block n we couldnt care less that 'super ring' had lots of MSG n soft drinks had loads of sugar n colourings..we just had fun and whacked everything..
How fast time flies, one day we are all just little kids who's biggest problems were how many presents we're getting for christmas or if we are going to spend holidays together and fighting over who lost the UNO stacko piece.. (it's always vero..) and me and ravin winning at 'sakai' (we never cheated..but evryone alwez WRONGLY accused us of it..) and the next day we are adults with grades and graduation to worry about (especially me since i skipped Finishing School) and girlfriends and boyfriend (or lack of it..hehe..) troubles..and some are married..
All those things that we had years to enjoy and cherish but we didnt coz we wanted to grow up faster and then when you look back, you regret coz you took all those things for granted but you cant do much now so you just go on..and then, one day, when you meet up like this that you realise all those things (and ppl) you miss but you never thought much about until they are staring at your face..
i learnt something this weekend..i learnt that i love my family immensely!! n i wouldnt exchange them for anything in the world!! (not even new shoes..hehe..kidding)..Am so happy that kelz came this week..it was the famous 6 +1 week..just like the old times..except we are..hmm..older..
Ahhh...the penang trip..wel u c..the penang trip is a very very very loooooong story..coz we (purshyla, jj n me) have been actually planing tis trip since 3 sems ago..since the end of my 2nd yr..but every time something (mtm camps) or the other (purshyla's EPC camp) will come up n we would end up having 2 postpone the plan..Finally jj got tired n stopped inviting us..bt this year, we 'resurrected' the plan again but than jj had to cancel it coz jj had hungry rats to feed during her holidays..
But suddenly, one day, somebody got infected wit H1N1 n so UPM was closed 4 a week..so we decided to share our good fortune with the penangites and carry the virus there by bus..hehe..went there on july 29th on the 10.30am bus..the best way to explain my trip would be like the following:
the moment we reached,
at abt 5pm - mee kuah ketam at mainland
dinner at northam beach cafe - loads of food..
2nd dinner - loads of food again..
breakfast - Hokkien (prawn) mee
lunch - char koay teow with teh beng and lor bak
post lunch - cendol, abc, egg tart
pre-tea - tau sa piah, free chocolate at the chocolate boutique
tea - laksa
dinner -tambun fish n crab (wic tore my finger) lots of it..
supper - lots of ice n f&n with vodka flavored orange drink
breakfast - pancakes
lunch - prawn kari n sweet sour fish n baked prawns n fried fish n sugar cane drink..
in short, the whole trip ws all about food and more food and more food...okay i have to admit the food in penang was rly great minus the 'lala' n the siput tht dom ordered..especially the oli's mum took us to on the las day (giant prawns!!)
n i also found out tht olivia hs a built-in gps system..but it ne guides her towards food.. =P she practically knew evry food plc in penang..
i saw the sleeping buddha bt didnt have time 2 c the kek lok si..tsk tsk..all in all..i truly njoyed my trip there although before i went i really wasnt interested in going..i was irritated n cranky n sleepy most of t tym..bt thn i had my fingers crushed by the big door of oli's naza ria n it reminded me of al t thgs tht i shud b happy for..luckily it gt better (or i'd go crazy if i hd 2 MSN or sms wit ne 1 hand)..
tnx 4 putting up wit me ppl...
dom n oli,
predith (despite me jumpin on t bed evry morn 2 wake him...hahahaha),
jj n purshyla
percival hu prayed 4 the H1N1 ppl - sorry 4 laughing (but it ws dom's fault) =D
Friday, July 24, 2009
The final year project (FYP) was supposed to be the climax of all my studying. i was supposed to apply all or some of the things that i have learned over these 3 years through some serious experimenting with some serious stuff. Underline learned over these 3 years...
is it just me or is there really a 'multiplex amplification refractory mutation system Polymerase chain reaction' in the syllabus..i know i skipped a lot of classes, but how could i have missed something with a name like that??
And really Mr Zhou might be somebody amazing who discovered some amazing things and must have written an amazing journal about it, but its not that amazing when you're searching through the million of journals written by a million Mr Zhous. Surely it doesnt take rocket science to figure out that are many many many Chinese people who share the same surname? like Lee Yu Zhao, Lee Wen Pei, Lee Ker Chuon, Lee Chong Wei, Lee Wan Wah, Bruce Lee etc etc..
And of course HPLC is a common practice...if we were allowed to do it in classes!! but no...it seems that we are magically supposed to have the knowledge of running machines worth about 100k and figure out how not to screw it up..
so basically, final year project? final year pain? i dont see the difference and i dont really care. there are a few pro's to my topic though..
1. No rats involved
2. No mice involved
3. No rabbits involved
in short i dont work with any living organisms..yippie-I-oh!! hahahahahaha (evil laugh)... so i get to go back weekends and i dont have to have my heart jumping out of my ribcage each time i have to feed or change bedding (my heartfelt condolences to those who have to...) and i wont have the death of hundreds of animals on my concience so i get to sleep peacefully at night without lab animals haunting me..
its a long year ahead...a very long year indeed...and what a year it will be..i can only imagine...(and its not a pretty picture!! haihz..)
Saturday, April 18, 2009
Hmm..i thought..am i? flowers and chocolates..this is a very complicated question..i had to say it depends..its very subjective..It can be both 'over-ly touching' or simply not..
Flowers can be 'over-ly touching' if they were from someone you really care about. It doesnt have to be the 99 roses wrapped with expensive plastic and ribbons and ferrero rochers and a teddy bear sitting on top. Even the a single baby breath from a wild plant will do (especially if that wild plant was sitting on a precarious ledge on a cliff nearby a raging waterfall or it could just be sitting by the road..either ways..)
On the other hand, it wouldnt be anything to bother about ( even if it was the biggest and prettiest bouquet of exotic flowers delivered to the office with all your colleagues and friends jealously looking at you..) if the person who sent it did nothing but pay for it or worse still even forgot that he sent it. All the flower gardens in the world couldnt make up for the sincerity of thought.
Same goes to chocolates and diamonds (although it helps..) and giant-bigger-than-you teddy bears..it wouldnt mean anything if there was no thought or effort in it. if it was merely a pre-packaged gift from the shelves of a supermarket then it is not 'over-ly touching' or 'tear-inducing' or anything..its just a gift that's gonna be forgotten as soon as you get something else..or someone else..comes along..
So, personally, i will not be 'over-ly touched' by anything less than a mere thought. coz thats all that matters..
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
6 die, 5 injured in express bus crash
RAWANG: Five passengers and the driver of a double-decker express bus died and five injured after the bus skidded, hit the divider and toppled at Km443 of the North-South Expressway near Rawang Monday morning.
Police said the accident occurred at about 5.30am after the double-decker bus, carrying 34 passengers from Changlun, Kedah, went out of control.Those who died at the scene are, Md Zaher Mohamad , 33, C. Magenthiran, 26, Mohamad Fauzi Awang, 57, Muhammad Ismail, 27, Mohd Yusril Zakaria, 27, and driver Zulkhibri Md Saad, 35, but who was resting at the time of the accident.
Magenthiran was the only one not from the lower deck. He was thrown out of the bus.
All the newspapers of 14/04/09 more or less carried the same headlines and the same news. it was a few lines on what happened, who died and who didnt. it was merely a column or a page among many. it was just something that many people would have read, shook their heads about and moved on to the next news. the faces of the 6 people who had tragically lost their lives on that day wouldnt have meant anything to them. i may not know anything about 5 of those people but there was one in that group who more than just a face in the papers.
C Magenthiran was more than just a casualty. He was a son, a brother, nephew, cousin and friend.
He was a son who made his father so proud that his dad couldnt stop talking about him and making examples of him when he spoke to other kids.
He was a brother whom his siblings looked up to and probably awaited his return home everytime come holiday or festive season.
He was a nephew; whom uncles and aunts proudly spoke about to friends and whom they compared their children to and wanted their children to be.
He was a cousin, whose company was always appreciated among those his age, and never without a smile for the younger ones.
He was a friend who made efforts to travel miles just to attend engagements and weddings. A friend who visited and kept in touch.
Most of all, he was a person, who was loved and was going to be missed by many. He was just a 26 year-old, who had a whole life-time ahead of him. He would have had hopes and dreams. Something to look forward to and something to look back on. One split second, turned his world and those in it, upside down. He was taken away, just like that...
Who should we blame? or what? The bus driver with a bad record? The company who hired him? The bus and its conditions? the roads? The weather? Fate?
Truth be said, it doesnt really matter. It doesnt matter who is proven wrong. It doesnt matter what happened. Someone, somewhere did something wrong. But, it doesnt matter. Because the fact is, he is gone and nothing in the world can bring him back. And what we wouldnt give to bring him back to his family, friends and loved ones, to put a smile where his loss had left tears...
Time will heal the wound but it can do nothing about the scar...
One split second is all it takes to change life forever. Cherish every moment with those around us...
In dedication to and loving memory of C Magenthiran, a cousin I wished I had known better
(A moment of silence...)
Friday, April 10, 2009
Yesterday was Holy Thursday or otherwise known as Maundy Thursday. For the first time in my 3 years of being a UPMer, i would be celebrating the Holy Triduum in St. Anne's Chapel. It felt a bit different though compared to the 'being in a big church' feeling. Everyone was sitting closer together, the hymns were different, yaada yaada... but one thing was the same though, i was still sitting with my family, just this time it was the family that i chose for my self, my friends.
First time also that i got my feet washed, by Dominic (he claimed it was for our 'little disagreement' when we were EXCOs, LOL!)
Usually, me being me, i would find it extremely difficult 'not' to zone out during homily. But this time, surprisingly, i was stuck on every word (or at least the keywords...). I have finally found at least part of the answer on why we celebrate lent and easter and the Eucharist over and over again.
The veneration of the Eucharist was quite 'challenging' for me. It wasnt the fact that I couldnt sit still ( which is usually the case...) but i just couldnt take my mind of the humidity in the chapel, the mosquitos buzzing around, the pain in my knees from kneeling on cemented floor, people moving in and out that was distracting me, the time that was running late...although i didnt 'say' anything, my mind had its own litany of complaints...
and thats when it hit me, here i am complaining endlessly, forgetting all the time, that it was on this day, that Jesus had knelt down at Gethsemene, on the uneven rocky ground, at an unearthly hour, with probably loads of mosquitos and all the disciples sleeping and knowing that one of them, someone he trusted, was going to betray him and hand him over to his death for a merely 30 pieces of silver and He prayed. Even at this hour, he prayed, not asked or demanded, but prayed that this cup would be taken away but nevertheless He would accept. He did not deserve it, but he did it for...ME. with not even a word of complaint.
It made me feel so ungrateful and unworthy. and now i know why we celebrate easter and the Eucharist again and again...its because we forget, I forget! that what happened that night 2000 years ago, happened because of me and who I am TODAY...
Happy and Blessed Easter!
Thursday, April 9, 2009
Havent slept the whole night...on any other 'normal' day, just thinking that i have not slept for more than 24 hours would have drove me insane! (yep! i would have been cranky and tired and moody and just about anything that denotes a negative characteristic)
Today i feel warm and contented because of two things. Firstly, i just had an early morning (super early, insane hours of dawn when only the mysterious creatures of the night roam the earth) breakfast at McD...it was hot meal of pancakes and sausage with syrup and whipped butter on a polysterene dish with polystyrene covers and hash brown and a cup of coffee that tasted bad (horribly, awfully, terribly bad) in a polysterene cup that made it worse. All served in a tray that was made from 'recycled plastic' (the irony!). And YIPPIE! we got two FREE banana pies for actually sacrificing sleep and taking our breakfast at the wee hours of the morning.
Secondly, i think, it wasnt the pancakes or the hash browns or the pie or the coffee that is causing all this warmth and 'feel-good'ness. i think that most of the warmth is actually emanating from the fact that i had this meal with two of my most dearest friends...this fact alone made the pancakes softer, the syrup sweeter, the hash brown warmer and the coffee drinkable (ok this part is an exaggeration...) but honestly, it made all the difference...so much so, that i would endure even the worst of meals if it meant i could have it with those who are dearest to me.
So, with all this feeling of warmth and contentment, we made our way back to college at about 7am when the sun was peeping out in the horizon...it made me wonder...the change from night to day actually happened in a split second ( those who study physics would disagree...) when we were going to Equine park (about 5.50am) there was a full moon in the sky and just an hour later, on our way back, the moon was no where to be seen and the sun was already coming out...it just shows that change is inevitable...but trees and animals and all of nature survives it and lives on another day. So, as the times change, would friendships live to tell their tale? or would it just fade away?
that is a question that i can not answer now. maybe a year from now, or maybe 10 years...if i happen to still wake up (or stay up without sleeping!!) at insane hours of the morning that inspires blogs, and go out for breakfast with the same 2 friends, then, i shall post another blog with the same heading and the answer! until then, VIVA LA VIDA!! :)
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
This is the story of Mr. Doodlez...Mr. Doodlez is a very special person. Somewhat only appearing on paper and desktops of boring classrooms and lecture halls. He stays only as long as necessary but long enough.
He represents whatever state of mind the 'doodler' is, which is usually a jumble (hence the doodle, if it wasnt, he'll be called Mr.perfect...). The funny part about Mr. Doodlez is that he'll never appear when we want him to. He is purely a product of our subconcious, bored mind and can never come from our concious and alert thoughts...That's Mr.Doodlez..
and it was at this time that i realized something else about this silly thing that we call life..isnt it just like tennis (or it can be badminton or ping pong if you like) ?
In tennis (or again badminton or ping pong), you have a ball flying at you, sometimes slow, sometimes fast, sometimes at perfect angles and sometimes so off the target that it makes you swear (not that you should) and then, sometimes you get it and sometimes you dont. sometimes also, you send the ball back flying at odd angles...and the times when you dont get the ball you end up running after it (like me...) and you try again (and again and again)...but either way, you realize that you only HAVE a chance to get the ball if you move and go for it. It may, once in a while, come straight to your bat but that doesnt always happen.
Isnt life more or less like that? it keeps throwing opportunities at you. some easier to get than the others, and some that flies by even before you knew that it was coming, but you will only have a chance at those opportunities if you reach out for it. jump, run, bend, whatever and TRY to get it. if you miss it, you end up running after it and 9 times out of 10 you wont get it.
but so what?! that doesnt mean that was the last one. like tennis, there are many others...you just have to pick it up and try again or wait for another opportunity to come flying. and like tennis you may get it or you may never (for the whole hour!) but you will never know until you try. the best part is, you get better and better after lots of practice and there are lesser chance of missing. and that too, you will never know if you gave up after the first miss...
isnt tennis inspiring?? but next time i think i'll go for something less painful and maybe a smaller court (and something that doesnt break my nails!! i chipped 2!!) like badminton or ping pong..
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
While at class today (biostatistics..nevertheless :-l )..i had this train of thought..
At every point in life, or at least at some points, its hard not to meet LOVE. Be it a brief muse or a lingering thought or even a undying memory, LOVE is simply inevitable, unavoidable...
Its like the shore and you the wave that keeps crashing on it no matter how hard you try to run away...in the same way LOVE too just cant leave and not come back.Its not in its character. Its like a humans and puppy dogs..they keep tagging along and when it grows, they lead and you follow..holding it on a leash..in case it runs away..
It may be cheesy and predictable or strong and unpredictable but you're still drawn to it. you keep looking for it in love stories, romantic fiction, movies and even life.
For something claiming to be so selfless, LOVE is shockingly addictive and equally selfish in not letting go when it should ( or less painful if it did) and awfully heart-breaking ( I cant find a better word at the moment...) when it does that you almost hoped it was selfish and wouldn't let go...
I'm more confused about this feeling called LOVE now, even more than before i started...
What is LOVE?
Monday, March 23, 2009
Is life good? is life bad? or is it just plain hard and difficult?
what is life really?
to me...i think that life is just OVER-RATED!!
Everyone is always going on and on about life..its this and that..but i think that life is simply just..LIFE..
its like the sun..some say that the sun is setting, its rising, its hotter today, cooler yesterday, yaada yaada yaada...
but truth be said...the sun is just the sun..constant, ever shining, same position, same temperature..it is what it is..its the sun..
same goes to life..Life is what it is..its how you live it that makes a difference..
bizarre, cranky, curious, eccentric, erratic, freakish, idiosyncratic, odd, outlandish, peculiar, quaint, queer, quirky, singular, strange, unnatural
i was trying to find a single word that describes me best..but i think that i'm lost..eccentric is considered crazy so maybe..
what am i??